A Word to Parent

by A. W. Pink

One of the saddest and most tragic features of our twentieth-century “Civilization” is the awful prevalence of disobedience on the part of children to their parents during the days of childhood, and their lack of reverence and respect when they grow up. This is evidenced in many ways, alas, even in the families of professing Christians. In his extensive travels during the past thirty years the writer has sojourned in a great many homes. The piety and beauty of some of them remain as scared and fragrant memories: but others of them have left the most painful impressions. Children who are self-willed or spoiled, not only bring themselves into perpetual unhappiness, but inflict discomfort upon all who come into contact with them, and foreshadow evil things for the days to come.

In the vast majority of cases the children are not to be blamed nearly so much as the parents. Failure to honor father and mother, wherever it is found, is in large measure due to parental departure from the Scriptural pattern. Nowadays the father considers that he has fulfilled his obligations by providing food and raiment for his children, and by acting occasionally as a species of moral policeman. Too often the mother is content to be a domestic drudge, making herself the slave of her children instead of training them to be useful, performing many a task which her daughters should do, in order to allow them freedom for the frivolous. The consequence has been that the home, which ought to be—for its orderliness, its sanctity, and its reigns of love—a miniature heaven and earth, has degenerated into “a filling station for the day and a parking place for the night” as someone has tersely expressed it.

Before outlining the duties of parents toward their children, let it be pointed out that they cannot properly discipline their children unless they have first learned to govern themselves. How can they expect to subdue selfwill in their little ones and check the rise of an angry temper if their own passions are allowed free reign? The character of parents is to be a very large degree reproduced in their offspring: “And Adam lived a hundred and thirty years and begat a son in his own likeness, after his image” (Gen 5:3). The parent must himself or herself be in subjection to God if they may lawfully expect obedience from their little ones. This principle is enforced in Scriptures again and again: “Thou therefore which teachest another, teachest thou not thyself?” (Rom 2:21). Of the bishop or pastor it is written that he must be, “One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity. For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?” (I Tim 3:4,5). And if a man or woman know not how to rule their own spirit (Pro 25:28), how shall they care for their offspring.

God has intrusted to parents a most solemn and yet a most precious privilege. It is not too much to say that in their hands are deposited the hope and blessing, or else the curse and plague of the next generation. Their families are the nurseries of both Church and State, and according to the cultivating of them now, such will be their fruitfulness hereafter. How prayerfully and carefully should they discharge their trust. Most assuredly God will require an account of the children from the parents’ hands, for they are His, and only lent to their care and keeping. The task assigned you is no easy one, especially in these superlatively evil days. Nevertheless, if trustfully and earnestly sought, the grace of God will be found sufficient here as elsewhere. The Scriptures supply us with rules to go by, with promises to lay hold of and, we may add, with fearful warnings lest we treat the matter lightly.

Instruct Your Children

We have space to mention but four of the principal duties delegated to parents. First, to instruct their children. “And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: and thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up” (Deut 6:6,7). This work is far too important to allocate unto others: parents, and not Sunday School teachers, are divinely required to educate their little ones. Nor is this to be an occasional or sporadic thing, but one that is to have constant attention. The glorious character of God, the requirements of His holy law, the exceeding sinfulness of sin, the wondrous gift of His Son, and the fearful doom which is the certain portion of all who despise and reject Him, are to be brought repeatedly before the minds of the little ones. “They are too young to understand such things” is the devil’s argument to deter you from discharging your duty. “And ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Eph 6:4). It is to be noted that the “fathers” are here specifically addressed, and this for two reasons: because they are the head of the family and its government is especially committed to them, and because they are prone to transfer this duty unto their wives. This instruction is to be given by reading to them the Holy Scriptures and expounding upon those things suitable for their age. This should be followed by catechising them. A continued discourse to the young is not nearly so effective as when it is diversified by questions and answers. If they know they will be questioned on what you read, they will listen more closely: the formulating of answers teaches them to think for themselves. Such a method is also found to make the memory more retentive, for answering definite questions fixes more specific ideas in the mind. Observe how often Christ asked His disciples questions.

Be A Good Example

Second, good instructions are to be accompanied by good example. That teaching which issues only from the lips is not at all likely to sink any deeper than the ears. Children are particularly quick to detect inconsistencies, and despise hypocrisy. It is at this point parents need to be most on their faces before God, daily seeking from Him that grace which they so sorely need and which He alone can supply. What care they need to take lest they say or do anything before their children which would tend to corrupt their minds or be of evil consequence for them to follow! How they need to be constantly on their guard against anything which might render them contemptible in the eyes of those who should respect and revere them! The parent is not only to instruct his children in the ways of holiness, but is himself to walk before them in those ways, and show by his practice and demeanor what a pleasant and profitable thing it is to be regulated by the divine law. In a Christian home the supreme aim should be household piety—the honoring of God at all times—everything else being subordinated thereto. In the matter of family life, neither husband nor wife can throw on the other all the responsibility for the religious character of the home. The mother is most certainly required to supplement the efforts of the father, for the children enjoy far more of her company than they do of his. If there is a tendency in fathers to be too strict and severe, mothers are prone to be too lax and lenient, and they need to be much on their guard against anything which would weaken her husband’s authority: when he has forbidden a thing, she must not give her consent to it. It is striking to note that the exhortation of Ephesians 6:4 is preceded by “be filled with the Spirit” (5:18), while the parallel exhortation in Colossians 3:21 is preceded by “let the Word of Christ dwell in you richly” (v. 16), showing that parents cannot possibly discharge their duties unless they are filled with the Spirit and the Word.

Discipline Your Children

Third, instruction and example is to be enforced by correction and discipline. This means, first of all, the exercise of authority—the proper reign of law. Of the father of the faithful, God said, “For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the Lord, to do justice and judgement; that the Lord may bring upon Abraham that which He hath spoken of him” (Gen 18:19). Ponder this carefully, Christian fathers. Abraham did more than offer good advice: he enforced law and order in his household. The rules he administered had for their design the keeping of the “way of the Lord”—that which was right in His sight. And this duty was performed by the patriarch in order that the blessing of God might rest on his family. No family can be properly brought up without household laws, which include reward and punishment, and these are especially important in early childhood, when as yet moral character is unformed and moral motives are not understood or appreciated. Rules should be simple, clear, reasonable and flexible like the Ten Commandments—a few great moral rules, instead of a multitude of petty restrictions. One way of needlessly provoking children to wrath is to hamper them with a thousand trifling restrictions and minute regulations that are arbitrary, due to a parent who is a perfectionist It is of vital importance for the child’s future good that he or she should be brought into subjection at an early age: an untrained child means a lawless adult—our prisons are crowded with those who were allowed to have their own way during their youth. The least offense of a child against the rulers of the home ought not to pass without due correction, for if it find leniency in one direction toward one offense, it will expect the same towards others, and then disobedience will become more frequent till the parent has no control except that of brute force. The teaching of Scripture is crystal clear on this point. “Foolishness is bound in the heart of the child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him” (Prov 22:15; and cf. 23:13,14). Therefore God has said, “He that spareth the rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes” (Prov 13:24). And again, “Chasten thy son while there is yet hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying” (Prov 19:18). Let not a foolish fondness stop you: certainly God loves His children with a deeper parental affection than you can love yours, yet He tells us “As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten” (Rev 3:19 and cf. Heb 12:6). “The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame” (Prov 29:15). Such severity must be used in their early years, before age and obstinacy have hardened the child against the fear and sting of correction. Spare the rod, and you spoil the child: use it not on him, and you lay up one for your own back. It should hardly need pointing out that the above Scriptures are far from inculcating that a reign of terror is to mark the home life. Children can be governed and punished in such a way so that they do not lose their respect and affections toward their parents. Beware of souring their temper by unreasonable demands, or provoking their wrath by smiting them to vent your own rage. The parent is to punish a disobedient child not because he is angry, but because he is right— because God requires it, and the welfare of the child demands it. Never make a threat which you have no intention of executing, nor a promise you do not mean to perform. Remember that for your children to be well informed is good, but for them to be well controlled is better.

Pay close attention to the unconscious influences of a child’s surroundings. Study to make the home attractive: not by producing carnal and worldly things but by noble ideals, by inculcating a spirit of unselfishness, by genial and happy fellowship. Separate the little ones from evil associates. Watch carefully the periodicals and books which come into the home, the occasional guest which sits at the table, and the companionships your children form. Parents carelessly let people have free access to their children who undermine their authority, overturn their ideals, and sow seeds of frivolity and iniquity before they are aware. Never let your child spend a night among strangers. So train your girls that they will be useful and helpful members of their generation, and your boys that they will be industrious and self-supporting.

Pray For Your Children

Fourthly, the last and most important duty, respecting both the temporal and spiritual good of your children, is fervent supplication to God for them. Without this all the rest will be ineffectual. Means are unavailing unless the Lord blesses them. The Throne of Grace is to be earnestly implored that your efforts to bring up your children for God may be crowned with success. True, there must be a humble submission to His sovereign will, a bowing before the truth of Election. On the other hand, it is the privilege of faith to lay hold of the divine promises and to remember that the effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. Of holy Job it is recorded concerning his sons and daughters that he “rose up early in the morning and offered burnt offerings according to the number of them all.” (1:5) A prayerful atmosphere should pervade the home and be breathed by all who share it.¶

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The Sacrificing Husband

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Beautiful Simplicity and Radiant Love

A.W. Tozer:

I am afraid of a new wave of religion that has come. It started in the United States, and it is spreading. It is a sort of esoteric affair of the soul or the mind, and there are strange phenomena that attend it. I am afraid of anything that does not require purity of heart on the part of individuals and righteousness of conduct in life. I also long in the tender mercies of Christ that among us there may be the following: 1. A beautiful simplicity. I am wary of the artificialness and complexities of religion. I would like to see simplicity. Our Lord Jesus was one of the simplest men who ever lived. You could not involve Him in anything formal. He said what He had to say as beautifully and as naturally as a bird sings on the bough in the morning. That is what I would like to see restored to the churches. The opposite of that is artificiality and complexity. 2. A radiant Christian love. I want to see a restoration of a radiant Christian love so it will be impossible to find anyone who will speak unkindly or uncharitably about another or to another. This is carefully thought out and carefully prayed through. The devil would have a spasm. He would be so chagrined that he would sulk in his self-made hell for years. There should be a group of Christians with radiant love in this last worn-out dying period of the Christian dispensation, a people so loving that you could not get them to speak unkindly and you could not get them to speak uncharitably.

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The Mission of Christ – The Revelation of God's Love

by Alexander MacLaren (1826-1910) (This is an excerpt from a larger sermon.)

‘Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us, and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.’ — 1 John 4:10.

THIS is the second of a pair of twin verses which deal with substantially the same subject under two slightly different aspects. The thought common to both is that Christ’s mission is the great revelation of God’s love. But in the preceding verse the point on which stress is laid is the manifestation of that love, and in our text the point mainly brought out is its essential nature. In the former we read, ‘In this was manifested the love of God,’ and in the present verse we read, ‘Herein is love.’ In the former verse John fixes on three things as setting forth the greatness of that manifestation —viz., that the Christ is the only begotten Son, that the manifestation is for the world, and that its end is the bestowment of everlasting love. In my text the points which are fixed on are that — that Love in its nature is self kindled — ‘not that we loved God, but that He loved us’ — and that it lays hold of, and casts out of the way that which, unremoved, would be a barrier between God and us — viz., our sin: ‘He hath sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.’ Now it is interesting to notice that these twin verses, like a double star which reflects the light of a central sun, draw their brightness from the great word of the Master, ‘God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.’ Do you not hear the echo of His voice in the three expressions in the verse before the text — ‘only begotten,’ ‘world,’ ‘live’? Here is one more of the innumerable links which bind together in indissoluble union the Gospel and the Epistle. So, then, the great thought suggested by the words before us is just this, that in the Incarnation and Sacrifice of Jesus Christ we have the great revelation of the love of God.

I. Now there are three questions that suggest themselves to me, and the first is this, What, then, does Christ’s mission say about God’s love? I do not need to dwell on the previous question whether, apart from that mission, there is any solid revelation of the fact that there is love in Heaven, or whether we are left, apart from it, to gropings and probabilities. I need not refer you to the ambiguous oracles of nature or to the equally ambiguous oracles of life. I need not, I suppose, do more than just remind you that even the men whose faith grasps the thought of the love of God most intensely, know what it is to be brought to a stand before some of the dreadful problems which the facts of humanity and the facts of nature press upon us, nor need I remind you how, as we see around us to-day, in the drift of our English literature and that of other nations, when men turn their backs upon the Cross, they look upon a landscape all swathed in mists, and on which darkness is steadily settling. The reason why the men of this generation, some of them very superficially, and for the sake of being ‘in the swim,’ and some of them despairingly and with bleeding hearts, are turning themselves to a reasoned pessimism, is because they will not see what shines out from the Cross, that God is love...So our twin texts divide what I may call the process of redemption between them; and whilst the one says, ‘He sent His Son that we should have life through Him,’ the other tells us of how the sins which bar the entrance of that life into our hearts, as our own consciences tell us they do, can be removed. There must first be the propitiation for our sins, and then that mighty love reaches its purpose and attains its end, and can give us the life of God to be the life of our souls.

II. Now I have to ask, secondly, how comes it that Christ’s mission says anything about God’s love? That question is a very plain one, and I should like to press the answer to it very emphatically. Take any other of the great names of the world’s history of poet, thinker, philosopher, moralist, practical benefactor; is it possible to apply such a thought as this to them — except with a hundred explanations and limitations — that they, however radiant, however wise, however beneficent, however fruitful their influence, make men sure that God loves them? The thing is ridiculous, unless you are using language in a very fantastic and artificial fashion. Christ’s mission reveals God’s love, because Christ is the Son of God. If it is true, as Jesus said, that ‘He that hath seen Me hath seen the Father,’ then I can say, ‘In Thy tenderness, in Thy patience, in Thy attracting of the publican and the harlot, in Thy sympathy with all the erring and the sorrowful, and, most of all, in Thy agony and passion, in Thy cross and death, I see the glory of God which is the love of God.’ Brother, if you break that link, which binds the man Christ Jesus with the ever-living and the ever-loving God, I know not how you can draw from the record of His life and death a confidence, which nothing can shake, in the love of the Father. Then there is another point. Christ’s mission speaks to us about God’s love, if — and I was going to say only if — we regard it as His mission to be the propitiation for our sins.

III. My last question is this: what does Christ’s mission say about God’s love to me? We know what it ought to say. It ought to carry, as on the crest of a great wave, the conviction of that divine love into our hearts, to be fruitful there. It ought to sweep out, as on the crest of a great wave, our sins and evils. It ought to do this; does it? On some of us I fear it produces no effect at all. Some of you, dear friends, look at that light with lack-lustre eyes, or, rather, with blind eyes, that are dark as midnight in the blaze of noonday. The voice comes from the Cross, sweet as that of harpers harping with their harps, and mighty as the voice of many waters, and you hear nothing. Some of us it slightly moves now and then, and there an end. Brethren, you have to turn the world-wide generality into a personal possession. You have to say, ‘He loved me, and gave Himself for me.’ It is of no use to believe in a universal Saviour; do you trust in your particular Saviour? It is of no use to have the most orthodox and clear conceptions of the relation between the Cross of Christ and the revelation to men of the love of God; have you made that revelation the means of bringing into your own personal life the conviction that Jesus Christ is your Saviour, the propitiation for your sins, the Giver to you of life eternal? It is faith that does that. Note that, in the great foundation passage to which I have made frequent reference, there are two conditions put in between the beginning and the end. Some of us are disposed to say, ‘God so loved the world that every man might have eternal life.’ That is not what Christ said, ‘God so loved the world that’ — and here follows the first condition — ‘He gave His Son that’ — and here follows the second — ‘he that believeth on Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.’ God has done what it is needful for Him to do. His part of the conditions has been fulfilled. Fulfil yours — ‘He that believeth on Him.’ And if you can say, not He is the propitiation for our sin, but for my sin, then you will live and move and have your being in a heaven of love, and will love Him back again with an echo and reflection of His own, and nothing shall be able to separate you from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

It seems to me that those who, in the name of the highest paternal love of God, reject the thought of Christ’s sacrificial death, are kicking away the ladder by which they have climbed, and are better than their creeds, and happily illogical. It is the Cross that reveals the love, and it is the Cross as the means of propitiation that pours the light of that blessed conviction into men’s hearts.
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HINDRANCES TO BROTHERLY LOVE

Arthur W. Pink (1886-1952)

THE root hindrance to the exercise of brotherly love is self-love. [This means] to be so occupied with number one that the interests of others are lost sight of. In Proverbs 30:15, we read, "The horse leach hath two daughters, crying, Give, give." This repulsive creature has two forks in her tongue, which she employs for gorging herself in the blood of her unhappy victim. Spiritually, the "horse leach" represents self-love and her two daughters are self-righteousness and self-pity. As the horse leach is never satisfied, often continuing to gorge itself until it bursts, so self-love is never contented, crying "Give, give." All the blessings and mercies of God are perverted by making them to minister unto self. Now the antidote for this evil spirit is for the heart to be engaged with the example that Christ has left us. He came not to be ministered unto, but to minister unto others. He pleased not Himself, but ever "went about doing good." He was tireless in relieving distress and seeking the welfare of all with whom He came into contact. Then "Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus" (Phi 2:5). If brotherly love is to continue, self must be denied.
Inseparably connected with self-love is pride. Fostering pride is fatal to the cultivation of brotherly affection. The majority, if not all, of the petty grievances among Christians are to be traced back to this evil root. "Love suffereth long," but pride is terribly impatient. "Love envieth not," but pride is intensely jealous. "Love seeketh not her own," but pride ever desires gratification. "Love seeketh not her own," but pride demands constant attention from others. "Love bear-eth all things," but pride is resentful of the slightest injury. "Love endureth all things," but pride is offended if a brother fails to greet him on the street. Pride must be mortified if brotherly love is to flourish. Therefore, the first injunction86 of Christ to those who come unto Him for rest is, "Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek87 and lowly in heart" (Mat 11:29).
Another great enemy to brotherly love is a sectarian spirit. This evil is far more widespread than many suppose. Our readers would be surprised if they knew how often a sample copy of this magazine is despised by those who have a reputation for being stalwarts in the Faith and as possessing a relish for spiritual things. Yet because this paper is not issued by their denomination or "circle of fellowship," it is at once relegated to the wastepaper basket. Alas, how frequently is a spirit of partisanship mistaken for brotherly love: so long as a person "believes our doctrines" and is willing to "join our church," he is received with open arms. On the other hand, no matter how sound in the faith a man may be, nor how godly his walk, if he refuses to affiliate himself with some particular group of professing Christians, he is looked upon with suspicion and given the cold shoulder. Such things ought not to be. They betray a very low state of spirituality.
We are far from advocating the entering into familiar fellowship with everyone who claims to be a Christian—Scripture warns us to "lay hands suddenly on no man" (1Ti 5:22), for all is not gold that glitters. Perhaps there never was a day in which empty profession abounded so much as it does now. Yet there is a happy medium between being taken in by every imposter who comes along and refusing to believe that there are any genuine saints left upon earth. Surely, a tree may be known by its fruits. When we meet with one in whom we can discern the image of Christ, whether that one be a member of our party or not, there should our affections be fixed. "Wherefore receive ye one another, as Christ also received us to the glory of God" (Rom 15:7). It is our bounden duty to love all whom Christ loves. It is utterly vain that we boast of our orthodoxy or of the "light" we have, if brotherly love be not shown by us to the feeblest member of Christ's body who crosses our path.
Many other things are serious obstacles to the maintenance of brotherly love. Yet we must not do more than barely mention them: the love of the world; failure to mortify the lusts of the flesh in our souls; being unduly wrapped up in the members of our own family, so that those related to us by the blood of Christ have not that place in our affections that they ought; ignorance of the directions in which it should be exercised and of the proper duties which it calls for; forgetfulness of the foundation of it, which is a mutual interest in the grace of God, that we are fellow members of the Household of Faith; a readiness to listen to idle gossip, which in most instances, is a giving place to the Devil (Eph 4:27), who accuses the brethren day and night.
But there is one other serious hindrance to the continuance of brotherly love that we will notice in a little more detail, namely, impatience. By impatience, we mean a lack of forbearance. True brotherly love is a reflection of God's love for us. He loves His people not for their native attractiveness, but for Christ's sake. Therefore, [He loves] them in spite of their ugliness and vileness. God is "longsuffering to us-ward" (2Pe 3:9), bearing with our crookedness, pardoning our iniquities, healing our diseases, and His word to us is, "Be ye therefore followers92 of God, as dear children, and walk in love" (Eph 5:1-2). We are to love the saints for what we can see of Christ in them, yes, love them and for that reason—in spite of all their ignorance, perverseness, ill temper, obstinacy, fretfulness. It is the image of God in them—not their wealth, amiability, social position—that is the magnet that attracts a renewed heart toward them.
"Forbearing one another in love" (Eph 4:2). False love is glad of any specious93 excuse for throwing off the garb that sits so loosely and uncomfortably upon it. Ahithophel was glad of a pretext to forsake David, whom he hated in his heart, although with his mouth he continued to show much love (2Sa 15-17). "Forbearing one another in love." That love which a little silence or neglect can destroy never came from God; that love that a few blasts of malice from the lips of a new acquaintance will wither is not worth possessing! Remember, dear brother, God suffers our love for one another to be tried and tested—as He does our faith—or there would be no need for this exhortation "forbearing one another in love." The most spiritual Christian on earth is full of infirmities, and the best way of enduring them is to remind yourself frequently and honestly that you also are full of faults and failings.
From Studies in the Scriptures, reprinted by Chapel Library.
One of the hardest things to do in the Christian life is to, "esteem other better than ourselves". (Philippians 2:3) But we are called to, "love one another with a pure heart fervently." (1 Peter 1:22) This is only possible by the Work of the Holy Spirit in our lives, "because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us." (Romans 5:5) Let us all step up to the challenge of Christ's command to his church, "A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another." (John 13:34) - Bro. Pat