A Word to Parent

by A. W. Pink

One of the saddest and most tragic features of our twentieth-century “Civilization” is the awful prevalence of disobedience on the part of children to their parents during the days of childhood, and their lack of reverence and respect when they grow up. This is evidenced in many ways, alas, even in the families of professing Christians. In his extensive travels during the past thirty years the writer has sojourned in a great many homes. The piety and beauty of some of them remain as scared and fragrant memories: but others of them have left the most painful impressions. Children who are self-willed or spoiled, not only bring themselves into perpetual unhappiness, but inflict discomfort upon all who come into contact with them, and foreshadow evil things for the days to come.

In the vast majority of cases the children are not to be blamed nearly so much as the parents. Failure to honor father and mother, wherever it is found, is in large measure due to parental departure from the Scriptural pattern. Nowadays the father considers that he has fulfilled his obligations by providing food and raiment for his children, and by acting occasionally as a species of moral policeman. Too often the mother is content to be a domestic drudge, making herself the slave of her children instead of training them to be useful, performing many a task which her daughters should do, in order to allow them freedom for the frivolous. The consequence has been that the home, which ought to be—for its orderliness, its sanctity, and its reigns of love—a miniature heaven and earth, has degenerated into “a filling station for the day and a parking place for the night” as someone has tersely expressed it.

Before outlining the duties of parents toward their children, let it be pointed out that they cannot properly discipline their children unless they have first learned to govern themselves. How can they expect to subdue selfwill in their little ones and check the rise of an angry temper if their own passions are allowed free reign? The character of parents is to be a very large degree reproduced in their offspring: “And Adam lived a hundred and thirty years and begat a son in his own likeness, after his image” (Gen 5:3). The parent must himself or herself be in subjection to God if they may lawfully expect obedience from their little ones. This principle is enforced in Scriptures again and again: “Thou therefore which teachest another, teachest thou not thyself?” (Rom 2:21). Of the bishop or pastor it is written that he must be, “One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity. For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?” (I Tim 3:4,5). And if a man or woman know not how to rule their own spirit (Pro 25:28), how shall they care for their offspring.

God has intrusted to parents a most solemn and yet a most precious privilege. It is not too much to say that in their hands are deposited the hope and blessing, or else the curse and plague of the next generation. Their families are the nurseries of both Church and State, and according to the cultivating of them now, such will be their fruitfulness hereafter. How prayerfully and carefully should they discharge their trust. Most assuredly God will require an account of the children from the parents’ hands, for they are His, and only lent to their care and keeping. The task assigned you is no easy one, especially in these superlatively evil days. Nevertheless, if trustfully and earnestly sought, the grace of God will be found sufficient here as elsewhere. The Scriptures supply us with rules to go by, with promises to lay hold of and, we may add, with fearful warnings lest we treat the matter lightly.

Instruct Your Children

We have space to mention but four of the principal duties delegated to parents. First, to instruct their children. “And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: and thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up” (Deut 6:6,7). This work is far too important to allocate unto others: parents, and not Sunday School teachers, are divinely required to educate their little ones. Nor is this to be an occasional or sporadic thing, but one that is to have constant attention. The glorious character of God, the requirements of His holy law, the exceeding sinfulness of sin, the wondrous gift of His Son, and the fearful doom which is the certain portion of all who despise and reject Him, are to be brought repeatedly before the minds of the little ones. “They are too young to understand such things” is the devil’s argument to deter you from discharging your duty. “And ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Eph 6:4). It is to be noted that the “fathers” are here specifically addressed, and this for two reasons: because they are the head of the family and its government is especially committed to them, and because they are prone to transfer this duty unto their wives. This instruction is to be given by reading to them the Holy Scriptures and expounding upon those things suitable for their age. This should be followed by catechising them. A continued discourse to the young is not nearly so effective as when it is diversified by questions and answers. If they know they will be questioned on what you read, they will listen more closely: the formulating of answers teaches them to think for themselves. Such a method is also found to make the memory more retentive, for answering definite questions fixes more specific ideas in the mind. Observe how often Christ asked His disciples questions.

Be A Good Example

Second, good instructions are to be accompanied by good example. That teaching which issues only from the lips is not at all likely to sink any deeper than the ears. Children are particularly quick to detect inconsistencies, and despise hypocrisy. It is at this point parents need to be most on their faces before God, daily seeking from Him that grace which they so sorely need and which He alone can supply. What care they need to take lest they say or do anything before their children which would tend to corrupt their minds or be of evil consequence for them to follow! How they need to be constantly on their guard against anything which might render them contemptible in the eyes of those who should respect and revere them! The parent is not only to instruct his children in the ways of holiness, but is himself to walk before them in those ways, and show by his practice and demeanor what a pleasant and profitable thing it is to be regulated by the divine law. In a Christian home the supreme aim should be household piety—the honoring of God at all times—everything else being subordinated thereto. In the matter of family life, neither husband nor wife can throw on the other all the responsibility for the religious character of the home. The mother is most certainly required to supplement the efforts of the father, for the children enjoy far more of her company than they do of his. If there is a tendency in fathers to be too strict and severe, mothers are prone to be too lax and lenient, and they need to be much on their guard against anything which would weaken her husband’s authority: when he has forbidden a thing, she must not give her consent to it. It is striking to note that the exhortation of Ephesians 6:4 is preceded by “be filled with the Spirit” (5:18), while the parallel exhortation in Colossians 3:21 is preceded by “let the Word of Christ dwell in you richly” (v. 16), showing that parents cannot possibly discharge their duties unless they are filled with the Spirit and the Word.

Discipline Your Children

Third, instruction and example is to be enforced by correction and discipline. This means, first of all, the exercise of authority—the proper reign of law. Of the father of the faithful, God said, “For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the Lord, to do justice and judgement; that the Lord may bring upon Abraham that which He hath spoken of him” (Gen 18:19). Ponder this carefully, Christian fathers. Abraham did more than offer good advice: he enforced law and order in his household. The rules he administered had for their design the keeping of the “way of the Lord”—that which was right in His sight. And this duty was performed by the patriarch in order that the blessing of God might rest on his family. No family can be properly brought up without household laws, which include reward and punishment, and these are especially important in early childhood, when as yet moral character is unformed and moral motives are not understood or appreciated. Rules should be simple, clear, reasonable and flexible like the Ten Commandments—a few great moral rules, instead of a multitude of petty restrictions. One way of needlessly provoking children to wrath is to hamper them with a thousand trifling restrictions and minute regulations that are arbitrary, due to a parent who is a perfectionist It is of vital importance for the child’s future good that he or she should be brought into subjection at an early age: an untrained child means a lawless adult—our prisons are crowded with those who were allowed to have their own way during their youth. The least offense of a child against the rulers of the home ought not to pass without due correction, for if it find leniency in one direction toward one offense, it will expect the same towards others, and then disobedience will become more frequent till the parent has no control except that of brute force. The teaching of Scripture is crystal clear on this point. “Foolishness is bound in the heart of the child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him” (Prov 22:15; and cf. 23:13,14). Therefore God has said, “He that spareth the rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes” (Prov 13:24). And again, “Chasten thy son while there is yet hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying” (Prov 19:18). Let not a foolish fondness stop you: certainly God loves His children with a deeper parental affection than you can love yours, yet He tells us “As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten” (Rev 3:19 and cf. Heb 12:6). “The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame” (Prov 29:15). Such severity must be used in their early years, before age and obstinacy have hardened the child against the fear and sting of correction. Spare the rod, and you spoil the child: use it not on him, and you lay up one for your own back. It should hardly need pointing out that the above Scriptures are far from inculcating that a reign of terror is to mark the home life. Children can be governed and punished in such a way so that they do not lose their respect and affections toward their parents. Beware of souring their temper by unreasonable demands, or provoking their wrath by smiting them to vent your own rage. The parent is to punish a disobedient child not because he is angry, but because he is right— because God requires it, and the welfare of the child demands it. Never make a threat which you have no intention of executing, nor a promise you do not mean to perform. Remember that for your children to be well informed is good, but for them to be well controlled is better.

Pay close attention to the unconscious influences of a child’s surroundings. Study to make the home attractive: not by producing carnal and worldly things but by noble ideals, by inculcating a spirit of unselfishness, by genial and happy fellowship. Separate the little ones from evil associates. Watch carefully the periodicals and books which come into the home, the occasional guest which sits at the table, and the companionships your children form. Parents carelessly let people have free access to their children who undermine their authority, overturn their ideals, and sow seeds of frivolity and iniquity before they are aware. Never let your child spend a night among strangers. So train your girls that they will be useful and helpful members of their generation, and your boys that they will be industrious and self-supporting.

Pray For Your Children

Fourthly, the last and most important duty, respecting both the temporal and spiritual good of your children, is fervent supplication to God for them. Without this all the rest will be ineffectual. Means are unavailing unless the Lord blesses them. The Throne of Grace is to be earnestly implored that your efforts to bring up your children for God may be crowned with success. True, there must be a humble submission to His sovereign will, a bowing before the truth of Election. On the other hand, it is the privilege of faith to lay hold of the divine promises and to remember that the effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. Of holy Job it is recorded concerning his sons and daughters that he “rose up early in the morning and offered burnt offerings according to the number of them all.” (1:5) A prayerful atmosphere should pervade the home and be breathed by all who share it.¶

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Christian Employees

A.W. Pink

“Servants, be obedient to them that are your masters according to the flesh, with fear and trembling, in singleness of heart, as unto Christ; Not with eyeservice, as menpleasers; but as the servants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart; With good will doing service, as to the Lord, and not to men: Knowing that whatsoever good thing any man doeth, the same shall he receive of the Lord, whether he be bond or free” —Ephesians 6:5-8.

How intensely practical is the Bible! It not only reveals to us the way to Heaven, but it is also full of instruction concerning how we are to live here upon earth. God has given His Word unto us to be a lamp unto our feet and a light unto our path: that is, for the regulating of our daily walk. It makes known how God requires us to conduct ourselves in all the varied relations of life. Some of us are single, others married; some are children, others parents; some are masters, others servants. Scripture supplies definite precepts and rules, motives, and encouragements for each alike. It not only teaches us how we are to behave in the church and in the home, but equally so in the workshop and in the kitchen, supplying necessary exhortations to both employers and employees—clear proof God has not designed that all men should be equal, and sure index that neither “Socialism” nor “Communism” will ever universally prevail. Since a considerable portion of most of our lives be spent in service, it is both for our good and God's glory that we heed those exhortations.

A secular writer recently pointed out that “work has increasingly come to be regarded as a distasteful means to the achievement of leisure, instead of leisure as a recuperative measure to refit us for work.” That is a very mild way of saying that the present generation is pleasure mad and hates any kind of real work. Various explanations have been advanced to account for this: such as the ousting of craftsmanship by machinery, the fear of unemployment discouraging zeal, the doles, allowances and reliefs which are available for those who don't and won't work. Though each of those has been a contributing factor, yet there is a more fundamental and solemn cause of this social disease, namely, the loss of those moral convictions which formerly marked a large proportion of church-goers, who made conscience of serving the Lord while engaged in secular activities, and who were actuated by the principles of honesty and integrity, fidelity and loyalty.

Nowhere has the hollowness of professing Christians been more apparent, during the last two or three generations, than at this point. Nowhere has more reproach been brought upon the cause of Christ than by the majority of those employees who bore His name. Whether it be in the factory, the mine, the office, or in the fields, one who claims to be a follower of the Lord Jesus should stand out unmistakably from his fellow employees who make no profession. His punctuality, his truthfulness, his conscientiousness, the quality of his work, his devotion to his employer's interests, ought to be so apparent that there is no need for him to let others know by his lips that he is a disciple of Christ. There should be such marked absence of that slackness, carelessness, selfishness, greed and insolence which mark the majority of the ungodly, that all may see he is motivated and regulated by higher principles than they are. But, if his conduct belies his profession, then his companions are confirmed in their opinion that “there is nothing in religion but talk.”

Nor does the whole of the blame rest upon them: the pulpit is far from being guiltless in this matter. The Lord has expressly bidden His servants to preach thereon, as being a subject of great importance and an essential part of that doctrine which is according to godliness. “Let as many servants as are under the yoke count their own masters worthy of all honour, that the name of God and His doctrine be not blasphemed. And they that have believing masters, let them not despise them because they are brethren, but rather do them service, because they are faithful [mg: believing] and beloved, partakers of the benefit: these things teach and exhort” (I Tim. 4:1-2). But where is the minister today who does so? Alas, how many have despised and neglected such practical yet unpopular teaching! Desirous of being regarded as “deep,” they have turned aside unto doctrinal disputes or prophetical speculations which profit no one. God says “If any man teach otherwise...he is proud [mg: a fool], knowing nothing” (I Tim.4:3-4)!

Once again is the pastor Divinely ordered, “But speak thou the things which become sound doctrine: that the aged men be sober...the aged women likewise...young men likewise exhort to be sober minded...Servants to be obedient unto their own masters, to please them well in all things; not answering again, not purloining, but showing all good fidelity; that they may adorn the doctrine of God our Saviour in all things” (Titus 2:1-9). Are you, fellow minister, speaking upon these things? Are you warning servants that all needless absenteeism is a sin? Are you informing those of your church members who are employees that God requires them to make it their constant endeavour to give full satisfaction unto their masters in every part of their conduct—that they are to be respectful and not saucy, industrious and not indolent, submissive and not challenging the orders they receive? Do you teach them that their conduct either adorns or disgraces the doctrine they profess? If not, you are sadly failing in carrying out your commission.

In view of the almost total silence of the pulpit thereon, it is striking to see how frequently the New Testament epistles inculcate and enlarge upon the duties of the employees. In Ephesians we find the apostle exhorting, “Servants be obedient to them that are your masters according to the flesh, with fear and trembling, in singleness of heart, as unto Christ. Not with eye-service, as men-pleasers, but as the servants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart. With good will doing service, as to the Lord, and not to men” (6:5-). Christian servants are required to comply with the calls and commands of their employers: to do so with respectful deference to their persons and authority, to be fearful of displeasing them. They are to be as diligent in their work and to discharge their duties with the same conscientious solicitude when their master is absent as when his eye is upon them. They are to perform their tasks “with good will,” not sullenly and reluctantly, but thankful for an honest means of livelihood. And all of this as “the servants of Christ” careful not to dishonour Him by any improper behaviour, but seeking to glorify Him working from such motives as will sanctify our labours and make them a “spiritual sacrifice” unto God.

In Colossians the apostle also exhorted, “Servants, obey in all things your masters according to the flesh, not with eye-service, as men-pleasers, but in singleness of heart, fearing God. And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men” (3:22-23). Every lawful command he must obey, however distasteful, difficult or irksome. He is to be faithful in every trust committed to him. Whatsoever his hand findeth to do, he must do it with his might, putting his very best into it. He is to do it readily and cheerfully, taking pleasure in his work. All is to be done “as to the Lord,” which will transform the secular into the sacred. Then it is added, “Knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ” (v.24)—what encouragement to fidelity is that! “But he that doeth wrong shall receive the wrong which he hath done” (v.25) is a solemn warning to deter from failure in duty, for “either in this world or the other, God will avenge all such injury” (J.Gill).

“Servants be subject to your masters with all fear: not only to the good and gentle, but also to the froward. For this is thankworthy, if a man for conscience endure grief, suffering wrongfully” (I Peter 2:18-19). This repeated insistence of the apostles for employees discharging their duties properly, indicates not only how much the glory of God is involved therein, but also that an unwillingness on their part makes such repetition necessary—evidenced by those who take two or three days' extra holiday by running off to religious meetings, thereby putting their masters to inconvenience. Holiness is most visible in our daily conduct: performing our tasks in such a spirit and with such efficiency as will commend the Gospel unto those we serve. Let it be borne in mind that these instructions apply to all servants, male and female, in every station and condition. Let each reader of these pages who is an employee ask himself or herself—How far am I making a genuine, prayerful and diligent endeavour to comply with God's requirements in the performances of my duties? Let not “rules of unions” nor “regulations of shop stewards” be allowed to set aside or modify these Divine commandments.

It is to be pointed out that the above precepts are enforced and exemplified in the Scriptures by many notable examples. See how the Spirit delighted to take notice of the devotion of Eliezer, even praying that the Lord God would “send me good speed this day, and show kindness unto my master Abraham” (Gen.24:12), and note how faithfully he acquitted himself and how well he spake of his master. Jacob could say “ye know that with all my power I have served” (Gen.31:6)—Can you answer the same? Though a heathen:“His master saw that the Lord was with him, and that the Lord made all that he did to prosper in his hand. And Joseph found grace in his sight!” (Gen. 39:3-4)—what a testimony was that! Scripture also chronicles the unfaithfulness of Elisha's servant and the fearful judgment that came upon him(II Kings5:20-27). Finally, let all domestics and employees remember that the servant place has been honoured and adorned forever by the willing and perfect obedience of the incarnate Son of God! “Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do with thy might” (Eccl. 9:10)—put your very best into it.

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